From Personal Development School | March 17, 2022

1. If trust is broken

While dating, Fearful Avoidants (FAs) will be hypervigilant about trust, loyalty, and commitment to see if they are safe and can open up, be themselves, be seen, be heard, and connect. If there is a large scale breach of trust they are likely to leave. If there is a small scale breach of trust, they will likely pull away and be reclusive. This can be confusing for the partner of an FA early on because the FA will likely keep a straight face so the partner may not necessarily know what they did to cause the FA to pull away. Later on, once a bond has already been built, they will be more vulnerable and open up about the trust issue.

2. If they feel taken advantage of

FAs will also pull away when they feel taken advantage of for various reasons including time spent, effort, energy, money spent, etc. FAs usually won’t communicate that they are feeling an imbalance. For example, they may not ask the other person to pay more often on dates or to drive to their house more.

3. If anything is too extreme

Lastly, FAs will pull away if anything is too extreme or polarizing. If the other person is too anxious, then this will push them to their avoidant side, but even if someone is too avoidant, they will feel rejected and shut down. They are looking for both trust and passion, someone deep but also safe that they can trust, someone in the middle. If they want their dating life to go easier, FAs need to communicate about these things, and be mindful of the balance between giving and receiving.